What is life?
Life is something that is made unnecessarily stressful most of the time, that’s what it is. It is also a bunch of paperwork and work ethic. Everything you want in life comes with some paper attached to it that you have to fill out. Then it needs to be processed. The only way it is approved of is if you have the backing that proves you are allowed to have whatever you filled the paper for.
It’s so tedious.
Maybe I’m being a little pessimistic. There are other good parts of life that don’t require that much paperwork, like family and friends. Even then, there needs to be some forms.
I wish I had some more than I already have. I am wiser than a lot of people, but I still feel so stupid sometimes.
School is completely stupid. Classrooms are unnecessary. I could do all of this work on my own at a much faster pace, but no, I have to go according to everyone else’s deadline. I would be done with COMMUNITY college in one year. Instead I have to spend four because the first two years of it I screwed up. To be fair, I was under a lot of pressure. At the end of this I will have spent about four years at this damn college learning things that I already know to get a degree that doesn’t matter, so I can get a degree that does matter. It’s really pointless sometimes and I feel like I am drowning sometimes because things are going so slowly and all I want is for my life to begin, but it isn’t and won’t for a long time.
I need some friends here. All of my friends are states away and I can’t see them again for a long time. However, all of the people here are either completely imbecilic, pessimistic, entirely too smart (much smarter than me), or are like me, but without the same moral standards. All I want is someone who is an equal to me, and there is no one here that is like that.
My sister thinks I need therapy and on an intellectual level I know I do, but I hate opening up to people face to face. Abhor it. Why should I put that kind of trust in anybody, especially a doctor, someone I am paying. They don’t give a crap.
I’m so tired of having all of these negative emotions just pressing down on my chest. I want it all gone and done with.
Now I sound like a suicidal teenager. I’m not. Just very sad at the moment. Life will move on and things will get better. My life will eventually start, I just have to be patient. I know it will.