I Really Need a Therapist. Or, Why Introverts Need Their Own Space.

Why do extroverts not get introverts in the slightest? (And why do I keep writing teh when I mean to write the!? How annoying.) At least all the ones in my life don’t.

I’m not super introverted. I love to leave my house. Its just that when I say I don’t want to be somewhere I DON”T WANT TO BE THERE. I’m not a freakin’ recluse, though my family seems to think I am. They don’t get that I only have select friends because my friends get me. All my friends just so happen to live two states away though (where I used to live) and I don’t make good friends on a whim. My friends and I understand each other and we all had a connection from the beginning. We all could just feel it.

I know this makes me sound like a reclusive wierdo, and maybe I am, but I don’t think I am. All I know is that I don’t connect with people on a deeper level unless they are equal to me. I do get along with other people. I make friends and get along with my classmates all the time. I just don’t hang out with them because I can tell they are not the kind of people I would hang out with.

Ugh, I’m not explaining this well. All I know is that people need to get off of my back. “I know you love me and care for me but you are not my protector or my parent so get off of my back before I seriously hurt you. What I do with my time is none of your damn business so leave me to it and I won’t bug you about the things you don’t want me to bug you about!” That is what I wish I could say to my family but they are all just so damn confrontational and I just want to be left alone, so saying anything would just bring up a bunch of stuff that I am not interested in bringing up.

Whatever.

deep breath, sigh, and release all tensed muscles

Okay, I’m over it.

You know, when I think about it, they are all very extroverted and a mild introvert like me is probably really annoying, but they’re super annoying too. They need to find the guide to handling introverts, because they all suck at it.

Anyways, I really am over it.

…man, I really need some therapy (and a therapist that communicates with me, not just stares and listens, but one that gives me input as well…do you see what I mean?)

So, apparently I just write a lot. (AKA lotion and my sister)

Lotion, lotion, lotion.

Lotion is of the gods I tell you. Did you know that some people don’t use lotion? That is crazy to me. I have to use it every time I get out of the shower or the pool. I can not stand being dry. If I was ever captured, the dryness is the part that would drive me crazy. I’m not even joking. Kidnapping is a really serious event, I’m not making light of it. I just know that, that part of it would be the worst for me.

If I was ever stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere by myself and I could only have two things with me, they would be lotion and a knife. If I could only have one I would probably choose the knife, but it would be a tough decision.

Random fact/thought–

The movie Country Strong (do you italicize or underline movies? Or do you do nothing? I always forget that one rule!) is freakin’ amazing. No joke, Garrett Hedlund’s voice makes me blush. Just his voice! Ugh.

Speaking of amazing things, my headliner and user name (mypersonalgeographia and starve doubt, feed hope) came from this awesome book I read as a teen called North of Beautiful about a girl (Terra) who is an artist in the making with a port-wine stain on her face. She has to overcome a lot of personal issues including useless/mean parents and it is just a truly beautiful book. It’s by Justina Chen Headley and I recommend it to everyone, but especially younger girls. Not trying to sell it, I get no profit off of mentioning it (though I wish I was), it’s just amazing.

–end of random fact/thought.

So, did you know that my sister thinks she looks hideous? Well, obviously you didn’t, but you do now. She honestly thinks she is fat and ugly. Which is super hypocritical. Like super duper hypocritical. My sister is 40 years old (today). She has been practically raising me since I was 18. (Though she was also around a lot when I was younger.)

18 you say?

Yes, 18. I needed someone to guide me then and I still do now, even though I’m 20. I have had to take care of my mother since I was 15. Well I don’t anymore because she died last November, but it was still a long time. See, she had a stroke (and a pulmonary embolism). She would have been okay after that, except the doctor who put a mesh in this hole in her heart [which is the main cause of her stroke and p.e. the other being that she had idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura (or just ITP) which basically means that her blood cells attacked themselves so she had to struggle with this medication that actually is the reason she had blood clots which wen through the hole and attacked her] nicked a vein on his way out of her. She bled internally and was essentially in a come for a few months. To make a long story short all of my siblings, who were adults, while I was a teenager, bailed except for one and his wife and sometimes I think it would have been better if they didn’t come (but they were the only option and thinking about it won’t change it, so whatever). I took care of my mother until my sister came and got the two of us. I had to do less then but my life was still basically consumed with taking care of her. Eventually she died. But the point is that I was so busy taking care of her, that I didn’t get to experience things that every other teenager did. That is what it is, and now I have the chance to learn those lessons.

My sister has been taking care of me since she picked me up though. She has basically been a mother to me. She tells us all the time to have self confidence and not care what others think but then she turns around and does the same thing. My sister is beautiful. She isn’t where she wants to be in life but that is how it is and the only thing for her to do is keep going and make changes in her life. I just want her to be happy with herself, because she deserves every happiness possible after all of the things she has done for everyone else in our family.